Metrosexual vs. Lumberjack Vampires – Who Would Win?  

A beard is not just facial hair; it is an attitude. In any situation, the best way to understand the full impact of something significant is to compare it to its polar opposite. A lumberjack attitude contrasts very nicely with the world of metrosexual guys with great clothing and feelings. If you desire to view this in action, then just watch an episode of the television show ‘The Originals’ and then compare it to an episode of ‘The Vampire Diaries.’ After a while, your mind starts evolving these grand battle royale that pit metrosexual vampires against manly lumberjacks. It almost doesn’t seem fair.

Start With the Clothes

The Vampire Diaries is all about guys talking about their feelings and wearing fabulous clothes. There is nothing wrong with the idea of fashion, but it just does not jive with the lumberjack mentality. A lumberjack wears a big pair of boots, jeans, and a sturdy flannel shirt. There is just not a whole lot of room for accessories.

Metrosexual vampires are concerned with matching the right shoes with their jackets. These guys are ready for a night at the theater and not a rumble in an alley. Lumberjack clothing is built to establish dominance while metrosexual clothing is made to fit in with the latest in Paris fashions. Once again, when it comes to the manly scale, the comparison is just not fair.

Metrosexual vs Lumberjack

Feelings. Whoa, whoa, whoa Feelings

The guys in the Originals act like lumberjacks because they act almost totally on impulse. If someone does something wrong, the lumberjack takes matters into his hands and solves the problem. In most cases, solving the problem does not require bringing his ax with him. The one thing you will not see is a long discussion about how the lumberjack feels. He feels mad, and he wants to solve a problem. It is actually pretty straightforward.

Metrosexual vampires like to play with people’s emotions, and they use their feelings as weapons. The witty banter that a metrosexual vampire initiated to try and catch his opponent off-guard would last about three seconds with a lumberjack. All that witty banter will do is cause the metrosexual vampire to get a size 13 boot upside his head. That is the way that lumberjacks solve problems.

Is It Really The Beards?

When someone wants to portray the lumberjack attitude, a beard is an essential part of that role. When someone wants to be a metrosexual vampire who is concerned with feelings and matching his pants to the shirt he is wearing, then a beard is out of the question. The guys on the Originals usually have beards. They have those scruffy, “I ain’t got time to shave” beards that are worn by men of action.  The closest style the Original vampires can tagged with is a lumbersexual one. This style is raw, primal and impressive. On the other hand, the metrosexual vampires on Vampire Diaries avoid flannel and beards like the plague.

Could it be that vampires cannot see their reflection so they feel that properly caring for a beard would be impossible? It could be. But if they were really lumberjacks, then they would know that proper beard maintenance only requires the regular application of beard oil.

beard maintenance

Beyond that, the character of the beard is completely up to the lumberjack.

What would the result be if you place metrosexual vampires in a room with lumberjacks? The vampires would want to try and play games with the emotions of the lumberjacks, which would prove futile when the lumberjacks reveal that they don’t have time to talk about feelings. The vampires would get their beautiful clothes all messed up, and perhaps they will learn a lesson about the real dangers of dealing with determined lumberjacks.

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